This book is the author's memoir-style essays, stringing together life stories and his teachers' lessons to share the wisdom he gained in 17 years at a forest monastery.

1. “Coming home” at age eight: continuous awareness

At 8, at his grandparents' house on a small Swedish island, he was staring at a toaster on the windowsill when the noise in his head suddenly stopped. Everything around him shimmered and time seemed to stand still. Warmth welled up in his chest (later he realized it was gratitude), and a phrase arose: “Welcome home.” That sense of presence became what he sought all his life.

2. Quitting as CFO: success isn't happiness

• At 26 he became the youngest CFO at a Swedish company's Spanish subsidiary, yet was often anxious and could only force enthusiasm through willpower
• After reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance he began meditating; at the end of one session a thought surfaced clearly: “It's time to move on.” He decided to resign almost without hesitation
• Afterwards he washed dishes, volunteered as a crisis counselor, studied literature for a year, worked as a UN economist, and backpacked across Southeast Asia and the Himalayas

He then took ordination at the international forest monastery in northeast Thailand and received the name “Natthiko,” meaning “one who grows in wisdom.”

3. Breathe more, think less

• I have thoughts, but my thoughts are not me: thoughts themselves aren't the problem; automatically, carelessly identifying with every thought is
• The author encourages bodily actions like “breathing” and “opening your hands” rather than “positive thinking”

Water-bottle breathing: imagine you are a bottle of water. As you inhale, the water slowly rises from the bottom; as you exhale, the level falls. While breathing, talk gently with your own body.

4. Daily life at the forest monastery

• Rising at 3:30 a.m. for group meditation (at first he often dozed off)
• One meal a day, from villagers' alms
• Work and meditation, strictly keeping the monks' 227 precepts, the gravest being four: stealing, sexual intercourse, killing, and lying about spiritual attainment
• Bowing three times to the Buddha statue on entering and leaving the hall: at first it seemed too frequent, but he found that touching his forehead to the floor again and again slowly quieted the Small Self that was always shouting “should” and “shouldn't”

After 17 years of practice, the author says his most precious gain is this: “I no longer believe every thought I think.” He calls it his superpower.

• Thoughts come uninvited: the mind is like an “inner monkey circus”; only the dead have truly quiet minds. We can't choose which thoughts arise, but we can choose whether to believe them
• Thoughts aren't facts: anger, anxiety and worry make thoughts snowball; keeping a little distance from them is freedom
• Reason is a tool, not the master: Ajahn Chah compared the intellect to a machete—swing it constantly and it goes dull; draw it when needed and keep it sheathed otherwise to stay sharp
• Let intuition speak: beyond reason there is a “wisdom” you can hear only when you're still. The author quotes Einstein: the intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind a faithful servant, but society honors the servant

The Buddha's three gifts

1. Conscious breathing: when grief, anxiety or loneliness strikes, choose to breathe consciously and keep your attention in your body, rather than believing every thought the brain throws at you. The author made a pact with himself: from now on, the star guiding him would be to become someone who is more at ease with himself, gladly himself, not always ruled by his thoughts—and someday, even his own good friend.
2. A warm smile when you give up: tell yourself, “Sleep well! You've made great progress. Maybe tomorrow morning you'll feel different.”
3. Choosing where to place attention: when things get very hard, guide your attention and choose where to rest your mind

Original purity

Buddhism holds that our nature is originally pure; anger and mistakes are only an outer shell, not our essence. So one thought or one slip doesn't make you a bad person.

The importance of humility

Knowledge is proud of all it knows; wisdom is humble before all it doesn't know.

Voluntary mental suffering

• Most of the mental suffering people experience is voluntary and self-made, and the most painful thought of all is “should”
• The quality of happiness lies in what is absent, not what is present

Let go, and accept that you often can't

The author advocates meeting life with an “open hand” rather than a “clenched fist”: less control, more trust. He admits that even as a forest monk he failed to let go nine times out of ten, so there's no need to be hard on yourself.

The only way to be free of thoughts that make us hurt, wronged, useless, lonely, afraid, sad or angry is to let them go—even if they're right. The thoughts we find hardest to let go of often end up hurting us the most.

The author also notes: chaos may unsettle you, but order will be the death of you.

The book tells a parable: a climber hangs from a cliff, clutching a small tree and about to lose his grip. God appears, offering help, with a single instruction: “Let go.” The climber asks, “Is there anyone else up there?”—that's how much we resist releasing the ideas we cling to.

One evening near midnight during meditation, the abbot Ajahn Jayasaro took the teaching seat and said, “Tonight I'll teach you a magic mantra.” In a forest tradition that avoids mysticism, this opening startled everyone.

How to use it: when conflict arises and a relationship is about to break, sincerely say to yourself three times—“I may be wrong. I may be wrong. I may be wrong.”

• It loosens “I'm right,” the most toxic thought of all, and opens space for dialogue
• Ajahn Chah once said that the greatest obstacle to awakening for his Western disciples was “opinions”
• Another teacher, Ajahn Sucitto, reminded: being “right” was never the point
• The author found that the older he got, the less “having opinions” mattered to him

The author doesn't pretend to be a saint: years later, arguing with his wife Elisabeth at breakfast, she reminded him, “Isn't this the time for that phrase?” and he childishly replied, “No, I'll use another one—you may be wrong.”

1. Like them as they are

Monastery life is round-the-clock community living, and you can't pick your housemates. The author found that constantly judging others only drains you and deepens conflict; the remedy is learning to like people as they are rather than expecting them to change. The monastery compared it to a pile of rough stones placed together: rubbing against each other over time, each becomes smooth and polished.

2. “I will know”

The book tells of a monk who refused to break a precept even when no one would ever find out. His only reason: “I will know.” Ethics isn't for others' approval, but for a clear conscience.

3. Leave room for miracles

After 10 years as a monk, the author became an “Ajahn” (teacher) able to guide disciples. Leading his first retreat, he again anxiously tried to control everything. The nun Ajahn Thaniya reminded him: “Natthiko, don't forget to leave room for miracles.” Looking back, nearly all of life's best experiences were unplanned; grip too tightly and you hold on to nothing.

When you need to know, you will know what you need to know.

After 17 years as a monk, the author longed to experience love and worldly life and decided to disrobe and return to Sweden. He expected to return as a sage; instead he couldn't find work, was refused unemployment benefits, and sank into depression for over a year, feeling like the biggest failure in Sweden.

• Through meditation he pulled his attention from catastrophizing thoughts back to his breath, recognizing again and again that “these thoughts aren't true”
• A friend told him, “This too shall pass.” And it did: speaking invitations began arriving, and he met his wife Elisabeth
• The phrase comes from a parable about an ancient Persian king; Elisabeth even asked to have it engraved on their wedding rings

Start with yourself

The Buddha described four sublime states of mind called the “four immeasurables,” also known as the “brahmaviharas,” meaning the dwelling places of the god Brahma. They are loving-kindness, compassion, joy and equanimity. How do we reach them? We have to start with ourselves.

• Without self-compassion, our compassion for others will always have gaps
• In success or failure, we deserve gentleness: be your own friend, and speak to yourself with the patience and tone you'd use with a good friend
• Facing pain, we should go to the place that hurts and, as best we can, regard ourselves with more compassion and understanding, instead of blaming ourselves with “I shouldn't have…”

The two sides of impermanence: nothing lasts—that's the bad news, and also the good news. Pain will pass, and so will beautiful moments, which is all the more reason to cherish the present.

In 2018 the author was diagnosed with ALS, with doctors estimating 3 to 5 years left. Driving home, he was overwhelmed with grief at not being able to grow old with Elisabeth. Then a familiar inner voice arose: gratitude for having lived honestly and with integrity, having done nothing unforgivable; death need not be feared—he had packed three lifetimes of experience into this one, and it had been a wonderful adventure; you are ready.

• He likened life to leaves: some hang on until they yellow and fall, others drop while still green—life was never predictable
• He wrote a letter to his body, thanking it and promising to respect its limits
• He held a combined 60th birthday and farewell party, and died peacefully with loved ones beside him on January 17, 2022

Wisdom at the end of life

1. Be what you most want to see in the world: the universe responds to the intentions behind our words and actions; what we send out eventually returns to us. We don't see the world as it is, but as we are
2. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about: be kind, always
3. Forgiveness is the key to freedom: making peace with yourself and what has happened isn't about becoming a great person, but protecting your mental health and choosing what feelings fill your heart. Still, the advice to let go is only for yourself—telling a furious person to let go never ends well. As Thai monks say: “Anger arises, but it can occupy nothing.”
4. The most precious jewel: an Indian saying goes that God hid the most precious jewel where He knew you'd never look—your own pocket

Five reminders the book leaves readers

1. Don't believe every thought you think: when a thought comes, watch it, but you needn't take it all in
2. I may be wrong: in conflict, sincerely say it to yourself three times
3. Like others as they are: let go of the urge to change people
4. Leave room for miracles: make plans, but don't grip life too tightly
5. This too shall pass: pain will pass, and so will joy, so cherish this moment